Girls can be mean.
If you have every been on the receiving end of a harsh remark of another female, you know what I mean.
This is not to say boys can’t be mean too, but there is something about girls, we just know the perfect thing to say that will cut like a knife.
Most often, these remarks come out when we feel hurt. It is retaliation, you hurt me so I am going to hurt you.
As we grow and mature, we learn how to better control our emotions which hopefully leads to controlling our tongues.
But, if you are like me, you aren’t always good at it. Sometimes a harsh comment slips out without you even thinking twice about it. And most often (at least for me) it lands on the person closest to me, my husband.
To be honest, I find a certain safety with “speaking my mind” to my husband. I know even if I hurt him, he will love me and forgive me. This absolutely does not make it acceptable. Plus, these harsh remarks suck the joy right out of our marriage.
It also goes against my Biblical role as a wife.
As a wife, I am supposed to be kind and have self-control, which includes taming my tongue… but this is easier said than done.
In fact, James explains, “but no human being can tame the tongue” (James 3:8a).
Now before you get discouraged, Jesus offers us hope:
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God” (Mark 10:27).
We cannot tame our tongue, but God can. Therefore, we must submit our tongues to God.
The following three verses really help me keep a guard on my tongue; I pray them at least once a week, more when I am feeling short on patience or like I may be easily irritated that day.
- Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29
- Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each other. Colossians 4:6
- Pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another. Romans 14:19
After praying these verses, I found myself slower to respond, sometimes even quickly praying part of Colossians 4:6, “Lord please help me know how to respond right now.” I also have become more aware of using my words for good edification and building others up, rather than being critical and tearing down.
I am not perfect in this, and I am not promising that if you pray these every week or even every day you will never loose control over your tongue again, but I do believe it helps.